I Confess

Dear Chace & Harper,

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I must confess that I sometimes struggle with being a good mom because I constantly worry about what ifs. What if you have a tantrum in the middle of a restaurant? What if you cry hysterically because I won’t buy you something? These are all things I have witnessed and know that it could happen with my kids as well. I certainly feel for the mothers when they are faced with these situations and they all seem to handle it so well. I often wonder how I would be in that situation.
For the most part I tend to schedule all our day trips after my morning run and before your afternoon naps. That doesn’t leave very much time for us to do all that much. Usually we head to the store and the park or run errands but its hardly an all day affair. The reason? Well that is what I must confess. I am terrified of taking you guys to lunch and spending the whole day away because I know that Chace doesn’t do well eating out. He just doesn’t like to sit and eat for an extended period of time. So if we were to go to lunch, I always have Momo, Daddy or Auntie with us because I know Chace will leave the seat and get up and walk around. I can’t leave Harper all alone to run after Chace in the reataurant, so I take the cowardly way out and we just don’t eat out that much. I must  confess that I don’t like that “mom stare” I get when I can’t control my kid. I take full responsibility for this because at home I am not as strict about sitting down at the table for lunch and eating. I am often caught up with laundry or feeding Harper that I just put down the food on the table and hope you eat it all. You tend to graze and not eat it all at once. I wish things were different and I’m working on that. I confess that while I want to be the best mom all the time, it just isn’t a reality. Who can live up to that?
I wish that I could say I don’t care what others think about me, but that would be a blatant lie. I do and am trying to work on that as well. I have made a conscious effort to take you both out more and do more things to get over this. While it’s easy and comfortable for me to go to the park, have picnics and shop, its not easy to go to a restaurant and eat a nice lunch. It stresses me out just thinking about it. I’m sure with more time and exposure this too, will get better. I just have to get over the guilt and not care what others think.
Moms have the hardest job and for some reason we are the hardest on ourselves and each other. Wish we could just help each other out more than we sit back and judge one another. Life would be so much more carefree.
I will try to be the best mom I can be and let go of some of these things so that I continue appreciating our precious time with each other. I know time goes by so quickly and I don’t want to look back on this time and have any regrets.
Hugs & kisses!
Love,
Mom
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